Note to the Reader: I wrote The List at some point, and have purposefully left it unedited. You are reading it as typed, except the next to the last three names that have been withheld. Obviously, it was written at a time that there was more anger involved, not to mention the emotional stress and trauma. So, that's where I was at when I wrote it. See XL for the story.

The List

(Prominent girlfriend: Lisa Rauscher)

2. Eddie Marra
Hispanic (Cuban?), brown eyes, brown hair
His Age: 12^th grade in my high school
My Age: 15 - 16
Summer between 10^th and 11^th Grade - 1983
Particulars: Cory's arch-enemy, pot smoking involved, occasional sex for a few months, he never had any intentions on keeping me as he had a girl he really liked that he talked about all the time
a) I had sex with Eddie shortly after having had sex with Cory (like a month, maybe) and was at Lisa's house and Cory was there. He was cleaning a BB gun and told me to go out in the yard as target practice. I really didn't understand why at the time, but found out later. i) Eddie was his worst enemy, and ii) duh, I wasn't supposed to have sex with anyone else.
b) Specific sexual encounters I remember: One time was over somebody's house in Lisa's neighborhood (I think it was Matt's house?), and we were all smoking pot and drinking beer. Lisa and Matt were having sexon one twin bed in a bedroom (I think it was Matt's) and Eddie and I had sex on the other twin bed (I think it was Matt's brother's - Lisa and Matt finished and Matt was taking a drink and looked over at us and choked - what he saw was me on top of Eddies, and we were having sex. I don't remember any details of other times, but this went on for the summer.
c) One time, Eddie came to my house for dinner, and I can remember the look of shock and horror on my mother's face that he was a spic. Guess she should have taught me better.
D) The other thing I remember about Eddie was that he was not circumcised.
Lost: naivete

3. Matt
White, blonde hair, blue eyes
His Age: 12^th grade in my high school
My Age: 16
Summer between 10^th and 11^th Grade - 1983
Particulars: Lisa's boyfriend, she wanted me to try it from behind
a) I was over at Lisa's house one day, and Matt was there. Lisa came up to me and asked if I would have sex with Matt; as I hadn't had sex from behind. Okay, so Matt and I went into Lisa's bedroom, I laid on my stomach and he had sex with me from my backside. It was awkward. Later on, it hurt Lisa's feelings and she cried, but we stayed friends.
Lost: naivete

4. Unknown (I think his name was Mark)
White, tall, dk brown hair
His Age: A couple of years older than me
My Age: 16
Summer between 10^th and 11^th Grade - 1983
Particulars: Guy at a party, girl I was with said he wanted to have sex with me and I said okay, sex only once
a) I went to a party with a girl (don't remember her name) and there were a few other people there. We all sat around and drank beer. At some point, she asks me if I would have sex with that guy, and pointed to the guy. I shrugged my shoulders and said, okay. We went back into a bedroom, and he had sex with me rather quickly an uneventfully. Afterwards, he got dressed, told me to get dressed and drove me home on his motorcycle. Never saw him again.
Lost: naivete

5. Sergio Unknown
Hispanic, short, brown hair & eyes
His Age: 16 or 17
My Age: 16
Summer between 10^th and 11^th Grade - 1983
Particulars: I started work at a new job and was being trained, he worked there, he had a girlfriend, I was "filler", he took a picture of me with a hat on lying on his bed without my shirt (nothing showing), I am guessing we had sex 2 or three times
a) He would walk me to my car after I was done at work. Somehow (?) we got together at his grandfather's house in Tampa. We had sex one afternoon, and afterwards, he took a picture of me lying on my stomach on the bed with a black cap on and smoking a cigarette. I found out that the picture was shown to a friend of his much later.
b) I was working at the grocery store (U-Save) in Brandon, and one day one of the bag/stock guys that I didn't know said he saw my picture. I was confused, then shocked. I denied being the girl in the picture and walked away. I never saw him again.
c) Sex with Sergio was unmemorable, as I don't remember anything about it.
d) We saw each other for about three weeks until he got back together with his girlfriend
e) I was seeing him the same time I was seeing Ron.
Lost: playfulness

6. "Alphabet"
White, short, long brown hair
His Age: 19 or maybe 21
My Age: 16 or 17
Summer between 10^th and 11^th Grade - 1983
Particulars: he was a few years older than me, he would come by my house in his truck, buy beer, smoke pot, and would take me through a neighborhood with trees and lay out a blanket and we would have sex there; went on for two or three weeks
a) I have no idea what his real name is, or how I met this guy. He would come by my house in his dirty pickup truck. I would meet him at the end of my driveway so my parents didn't see.
b) He would stop at a carry-out and buy some beer. We'd drink beer and smoke pot.
C) He drove through a neighborhood I didn't know to a wooded area. We'd stop, he would spread out a blanket, and we'd have sex on the blanket. I remember vaguely that he was dirty and was on top of me and I just wanted him off.
D) This happened 2 or 3 times, then ended.
Lost: humility

7. Ron Sisson
White, red hair, blue eyes
His Age: 1 year older than me
My Age: 16 - 17
11^th Grade & part of 12^th - 1983/84
Particulars: We dated for about two years, sex often in his house, mine, and the car (a station wagon); went to junior prom with him; when he said he wanted to marry me, I broke off the relationship
a) Ron was actually the only guy that I think actually liked me. We had sex often (2 - 3 times a week?) and usually it was playful.
B) Ron was a redneck from a redneck family. They lived a few miles away in a trailer court. His mom liked me. I don't remember there being a dad around. At the end of our relationship, they had moved to a house somewhere close to their old house.
C) We would have sex in my mom's station wagon, as that was what I drove. Ron didn't have a car. We would drive to a wooded area, flip the back seat down flat, and have sex. Usually afterwards, we'd just lay there for a while.
D) He came over my house once when I was sick, and was sitting with me and talking to me in bed. My stepdad (John) came home for lunch, so he hid in my closet for an hour until John left.
E) One time, my mom and John went somewhere overnight, and John's mother stayed overnight with us kids. In the middle of the night, Ron snuck in and we had sex, then he fell asleep in my bed. John's mom wlaked in and turned on the lights. She freaked-out. Ron left. I got yelled at and grounded for not respecting John's mom (not for having a boy in my bed…)
f) Another time, Ron and I were having sex in the garage bedroom when mom and John pulled into the driveway. We jumped-up, shut off the lights, and locked the door. John and my mom came to investigate while we were getting our clothes back on. I told them we were just talking. They questioned us talking in the dark, but nothing came of it.
g) One time at Ron's house, he announced something to me about being married. I didn't really hear the rest. It was at this time that I realized that I was too young and didn't want to marry Ron. Very shortly after that, I broke up with him.
Lost: relationship

(I didn't go out with anyone for a while. I did see Ron a few weeks later working in a local grocery store, and he had a new girlfriend.)

8. Brad (Unknown)
White, brown hair, blue eyes, short stocky build
His Age: 17
My age: 17
12^th grade - 1984
Particulars: he was on the wrestling team, "raped" me - toyed with me - while I was tied to the bottom of a bunk bed with a knife stuck in the bottom of the bed above me
a) He asked me out on a date, and we went to a school football game to meet his friend and we smoked a joint. We had sex that night in his car.
B) He would meet me at the end of my road on his motorcycle and pick me up and we'd go to his house. We would have sex in his bedroom on the floor or on his bunk bed.
C) He liked to "wrestle" me and pin me down before and during sex.
D) On the one occasion, I went there and he tied me up, arms and legs to the bedposts; he stuck a knife in the bottom of the bunk above me and left me there for a while. He called his friend, an was laughing with him and at me. This went on for a while, then he had sex with me.
E) I went out with the next guy (Unknown) and had sex one time. I called Brad the next morning and told him. We broke up. (duh)
Lost: safety

(I saw him around school for another month or two, and he was dating one of the cheerleaders. He moved to Somewhere Indiana after that.)

(Prominent girlfriend: Missy)

9. Unknown
White, blonde hair, blue eyes
His Age: a year younger than me
My Age: 17
12^th grade - 1984
Particulars: At a friend's boyfriend's house, had sex with the brother, friend's boyfriend drank too much and went nuts shooting off a handgun in the yard
a) I had a friend named Missy. She was dating a guy. We both went to the guy's house and we smoked some pot and drank beer. Missy and boyfriend went off and were having sex. I was sitting with the brother. He started kissing me and we had sex. I don't remember where, or how it went. He smiled a lot and later gave me his flannel shirt to wear. After a while, we heard gunshots in the yard, and there was his brother, drunk, waving a pistol around and shooting and cussing. After he was talked down, and the gun was taken away by the younger brother, Missy and I left (I never went back). During the shooting, I sat on the floor in the kitchen behind a kitchen chair with my knees up to my chin, it was dark, I don't think there were any lights on.
Lost: sanity

10. Stacey (Unknown)
White, long blonde hair, blue eyes
His Age: 1 year younger than me
My Age: 17
12^th grade - 1984
Particulars: he lived across street from friend, sex 2 times, friend was pissed
a) He lived across the street from Missy. We had gone over there a few times to hang out.
B) One time, I went to Stacey's house because Missy wasn't home. We hung out for a while, smoked some pot, then went back to his bedroom and had sex on the floor. He sat up while I was on his lap. He was very "gentle" as different from rough or hard.
C) We did this 2 maybe three times. Missy got pissed off at me for having sex with her friend.
Lost: humility

(Prominent girlfriend: Gina DeChario)

11. Chris Unknown
White, dark brown hair, brn eyes
His Age: 19 or so
My Age: 17
12^th grade - 1984
Particulars: a marine that my friend Gina and I knew, sex once
a) Gina and I would walk over to the Marine Recruiter's office and just hang out.
B) Chris was a marine recruit, and had not gone to boot camp yet. Gina had sex with him at one point. He took me to a hotel, and had sex with me. It was very methodical it seemed on his part (no animation). He commented afterwards that Gina had a stomach like jello and it was gross; that my stomach was better. That was it, then he drove me home.
Lost: pride

12. Unknown
White, brown hair, blue eyes, scarred face
His Age: 30 something
My Age: 17
12^th grade - 1984
Particulars: marine recruiter, had sex in the recruiting office
a) I had gone to the recruiting office and no one else was there but this recruiter. I knew who he was, sort-of; I think he was new there. He took me into the back room where there was a couch and laid me down, took off my clothes, and got on top of me and had sex with me. I don't recall him saying much of anything. He was very quiet. Afterwards, we both dressed and not long after, the other recruiter and Gina walked in. We sat down in the office and nothing was ever said.
Lost: pride

13. Unknown
White, big stocky guy, brown hair
His Age: About 19
My Age: 17
12^th Grade - 1984
Particulars: He was a marine buddy of Chris.
A) He was driving me home, and asked if I would go to his house. I said yes, and we went to his house and he had sex with me on his bed. I remember him grunting while having sex - not a good "ungh" sound, but like a pig grunts. He was shipping out and I knew he had a girlfriend, so this was a one-time thing.
Lost: caring

(Prominent girlfriend: Shelly)

14. Matt Gallagher
White, brown hair
His Age: 17
My Age: 17
12^th grade - 1985
Particulars: One of a group of friends, sex only once, broke his friends bed frame
a) Matt was one of a group that hung out with Shelly. We were all in the same art class in High School - Aerie Magazine. Late on in the year, we ended up at his brother's place and I don't remember anyone else being there. We were laughing and went back to the bedroom and were having sex on his brother's bed. The sex was rowdy and playful, and he was on top. His brother's bedframe broke and the corner of the bed fell. We laughed and got dressed and left. We never had sex after that. He and Shawn were best friends.
(We met up with each other years later, in 1990 after Tony #2. We - Matt, Shawn, and Me all went to a little guitar bar, had some beer and just talked. Matt laughed and said, "do you remember breaking my brother's bed? ha ha ha". Shawn drove us all back, and I sat on Matt's lap. I got home and thought, "what losers they turned out to be".)
Lost: playfulness

15. Steve Martini
White, short, blonde hair, blue eyes
His Age: 17
My Age: 17
12^th Grade - 1985
Particulars: was at beach with friends, went into a room they had and had sex once
a) I went to the beach and met up with Shawn (below) and Steve. They had gotten a beach motel room with some friends the night before. We sat around on the beach and drank all day. We all went back to the room to get cleaned up before the ride back. While Shawn was in the shower, Steve grabbed me and pushed me back on the bed and had what I would describe as "desperate" sex with me. I describe it this way because he was hurried, and it ended fast; he just seemed desperate. Afterwards, we all got in Shawn's truck and rode back together. Nothing more was ever said about it.
Lost: humility

16. Shawn Hardwick
White, brown hair, blue eyes
His Age: 17
My Age: 17
12^th Grade - 1985
Particulars: was a friend from work and school, we had sex because he hadn't had sex with me yet
a) Shawn and I both worked together at the local U-Save grocery store. We were friends with each other, and did a lot of stuff together - parties, talked, just bullshit. Shawn was a virgin for along time. His first sex was with a girlfriend I knew, I forget her name. It was a few months later that he had sex with me. I don't even remember where it was or how it went, I just know it happened. One of the few "dick" things I remember - his dick was real bent away from his body.
B) A day or two later, he stopped by my house to make sure I wasn't pregnant.
C) Shawn was also the same guy that was twirling me around after hours at work, setting me down while still spinning me, and I broke my foot. I was drinking.
Lost: pride

17. Mark (Unknown)
White, short stocky, brown hair, blue eyes
His Age: 17
My age: 17
12^th grade - 1985
Particulars: Knew from school, boyfriend of a girl I knew, sex only once, wanted to know if it lasted long enough
a) I have no idea how we got together. I knew of him since 6^th grade from some of my classes. He was never interested in me. He had a girlfriend, a girl I knew in school. We somehow ended up together, and we had sex in his car. I remember that it hurt, it was painful - not in a good pain way, but uncomfortable and "tearing". After he was done, he asked me if it lasted long enough. I have no idea what I answered. He drove me home, and he didn't talk to me again after that.
B) A story from 6^th grade: He was in one of my classes and was wearing loose shorts and one of the girls in class, a black girl saw his "weiner" - she laughed at him and told everyone that he had a little weiner.
Lost: pride

(High School Graduation in June 1985)

18. David Music
White, brown hair
His Age: a couple years younger than me
My Age: 18
1985 summer
Particulars: A Guy who lived in the neighborhood, sex on two occasions at his house
a) He lived on the far end of my neighborhood. I don't know how we met up. His sister was in one of my classes in 9^th grade (or so). We were at his house, and he started kissing me, then took me into his bedroom and we had sex on his bed. He was very "mild" - not aggressive at all. Both times were similar.
B) His family moved shortly afterwards.

19. Dizzy Beason
White, skinny, black hair, blue eyes
His Age: 20
My Age: 18
1985 Summer
Particulars: One of a group of friends, sex only once, lived in my neighborhood
A) I used to hang out at the Beason house since I was 15. There were three brothers: Curtis, Dizzy (short for Dismus), and Sanford. The oldest, Curtis, was a drummer for a garage band. The youngest, Sanford had the same birthday as me and was 1 year older. The two of us would sit around and bullshit often. Heavy Metal music, drinking, and general hanging out was the standard at the Beason house. No parent were ever there - they were always on the road or something. My parents despised the Beason's.
b) One afternoon, I showed up at their house, and Dizzy answered the door. He was a real arrogant asshole type person. He took me back to his bedroom, and we had sex. I was on top, and he would tell me to stop and sit there a second, this happened a couple of times. His brother, Sanford was in the shower. Dizzy had a girlfriend.
Lost: pride

20. Joe (Unknown)
White, brown hair, jock-type body
His Age: 20
My Age: 18
1985 Summer
Particulars: One of a group of friends, sex only once, friends of the people who lived in my neighborhood, wanted to know if he was good
a) I was over at the Beason's house and Joe was one of the regular crowd. He took me in one of the bedrooms, and we had sex. He was on top. Afterwards, he asked me if he was good, if his dick was big enough, and such. (Didn't ask if I liked it) I shrugged and basically said, "yeah, okay".
B) Some other people were sitting out on the front porch during this. They knew when we came out. I don't remember anything in particular being said.
Lost: Pride

21. Unknown
White, skinny, died black hair
His Age: about 19 or 20
My Age: 18
1985 Summer
Particulars: One of a group of friends, only once, friends of the people who lived in my neighborhood, gave a blowjob
a) I was over the Beasons, and he was one of the guys that hung out with the band. It was real late, and we had all been drinking. He took me by the arm and we went into a van. In the back was a false wall with a hole cut in the center, there was a bed setup inside. He went in and laid on his back, and told me to give him a blow-job. I did. Then afterwards, I asked him to walk me back to my house (I was afraid of the dark). He did, nothing was said the whole time.
Lost: pride, humility

22. Kenny Royce
White, short stocky, brown hair, blue eyes
His Age: 20
My age: 18
1985 Summer
Particulars: guy from the neighborhood, sex only once, said he always wanted to do that
a) Kenny was a neighbor, and a friend of my brother Mark. I knew him for years as Mark's friend. He dated a girl from the neighborhood, Sue, for a couple years. They had been broken up for a while. I don't know if he had a girlfriend or not at the time.
B) We went out and drank beer and smoked pot, and he started kissing me, then popped the lever on my seat and laid me back. He got on top and had sex with me. It seemed practiced and methodical. Afterwards, he said, "I always wanted to do that". Never really talked to him again after.
(He ended up marrying a girl from school that I knew. I attended their wedding with my dad, who was his dad's poker friend. I also found out later through my brother that he became a cocaine addict.)
Lost: pride

23. Michael (Unknown)
White, brown hair
His Age: 18
My Age: 18
Summer 1985
Particulars: I knew him from high school. I was going to college and so was he. We went out and "cruised". Later that night, he had sex with me on the hood of his car.
A) I knew him generally from high school. I was going to the community college a mile or so away. We went out on a "date" and he like to cruise the Chuck-E-Cheese parking lot in his camaro. He drove to a wooded area (somewhere), and we got out of the car. We made out kissing, then he set me up on the hood of his car, pulled down my jeans, and had sex with me right there. Took me home.
B) I remember thinking that cruising the parking lot was something we had stopped doing early on in high school. I though he was real childish. Either I didn't go out with him, or he didn't call back, I don't know.
Lost: caring

24. Tony Serial
Hispanic/Italian mix, black hair, brown eyes
His Age: 20 - 21
My age: 18 - 20
Fall/winter 1985
Particulars: dated and moved in with for about 2 years, my first time trying crack cocaine, scary guy, beaten often to where I had surgery, choked to the point of passing out, sex was forced, I had an orgasm once and he laughed at me
Note: he died in a car wreck a couple of years later
a) I don't remember how we met. He asked to take me to dinner, picked me up at my mom's house (an hour late). We went to dinner, and on the way, we pulled off to the side of the road, and had sex in the back seat of his car. He commented something about "whores have sex on the first date".
B) I went to his apartment one time with a girlfriend, and we sat around and drank. He wanted to play strip poker, and we did. I got jealous when she had her top off and he really liked her boobs (I don't have boobs). He got upset, and put on a show, and apologized. We left.
C) I left my mom's house at this point and was living with my dad in his one bedroom apartment. Dad and I drove to Ind. To visit relatives. Tony stayed at my dad's apartment while we were gone.
D) Tony then asked me to get an apartment with him. So, I said yes. It was an escape from both my mother and my drunk father. So, he found an apartment, and I moved in.
e) During this time, he would have fits of rage and break things, paranoia about all kinds of stuff. One time, two guys came to the front door, and Tony answered. I was in bed reading a book, all of a sudden, they were in the apartment, one standing in my doorway, and the other with Tony in the other bedroom - they wanted money. He wrote them a check, and they left. After that, he kept a handgun for a while.
F) We moved to another apartment because we couldn't pay the rent at this one. This is when he really started getting more violent. He would get frustrated, and it started with him choking me to the point of passing out. It escalated to throwing me to the ground and kicking me in the legs and body. Several times I had to call in to work from the bruising. This continued.
G) One sexual thing in particular I remember, was he was trying to get me to come. He ate me out for a while, and nothing. This went on until I finally came. After I did, he laughed at me at the amount of come (it was a lot). I never came again with him after that.
H) He started seeing another girl, and moved out. He came by as I was moving to a new place (I couldn't afford this one) and begged for some of the furniture. I reluctantly said sure. He turned off all the power, it was in his name, so I lived there for two weeks until I could move without power.
I) Lost: any self-worth left, dignity, caring, you name it. Ended in spring of 1988
(He died in a car wreck a couple of years later - gee, imagine that…)

(During the last month or two while I was living with Tony Serial, I had sex with Tony #2 below)

25. Tony Leal (aka Tony #2)
Hispanic (cuban), brown hair, brown eyes, fat and lazy
His Age: 17 - 19 ish
My age: 20 - 22
Spring 1988 - February 1991
Particulars: met at work while still living with Tony #1, became part of what was known as the "brew crew", drank lots of beer, he moved in with me and could never keep a job, sex pretty regular, had sex in front of friends in an apartment bldg laundry room, big drinking parties often, I got pregnant and had an abortion
a) While I was still living with Tony S., I met Tony at one of my jobs, a grocery store where I worked in the deli in Tampa. He and his friends, Albert and Gino were the "brew crew". I closed one night and hung out with them drinking beer. We went to his aunt's apartment complex, and I jumped into the pool with only my panties on while they watched. Afterwards I had sex with Tony (don't remember where). I got back to the apartment where I still lived with Tony #1, and he questioned me on why I was wet, but my clothes weren't. I made up a story and told him I was at some girl's house, I got thrown in the pool, and she let me use her laundry dryer for my clothes. I don't think he believed me, but I really didn't care.
B) After leaving Tony #1, I got my own apartment in Tampa. Tony#2 and his friends would come over often to drink. It was at this apartment that I came out of the bathroom with a new bathing suit on, and Albert smiled, grabbed me pulled aside the bottom, and started to have sex with me (everyone else had gone to the store). This only lasted a few seconds, as I told him to get off, everyone was going to be back soon.
C) During this first couple of months, Albert and I had gone out one time we drove somewhere and parked and we had sex. We were also drinking a lot of beer. It lasted a long time, it seemed, as Albert stopped once to pee, then continued. I remember being bored. I also remember neither enjoying it nor not. *See Albert below
d) It was also during this time that Dale, my store manager went out to drink with me. "Out" meaning in the car and drinking beer. After a while of small talk, he reached over and started kissing me. I knew he had a girlfriend and was having problems. I sat on his lap facing him, and we had sex. He had a large dick, and it hurt a lot. *See Dale Below.
E) This is when I found out I was pregnant. Tony did not know that I had sex with Albert or Dale, and assumed he was the father. I told him I was getting an abortion. He went with me to the doctor when I had it done, and drove me back to my home.
F) I left this apartment after about 3 or 4 months when I asked (begged) my mother to come back to her home. (that went badly) In the meantime, Tony #1 is still harassing me, to get back together, and then later, for money. P.S. My parents took his side.
G) I moved out and got a new job. I got an apartment in Tampa, and Tony sort of lived with me. He would stay a day or two then go back to his mom's house for a day. We would have sex, usually with me on top - he was so fat it was rare that he was on top of me.
Lost: humility

26. Albert (Unknown)
Hispanic, brown hair, brown eyes, pock-marked face
His Age: 19
My age: 22
1988
Particulars: best friend of Tony #2, had sex once while with Tony, had sex 2 times
a) After leaving Tony #1, I got my own apartment in Tampa. Tony#2 and his friends would come over often to drink. It was at this apartment that I came out of the bathroom with a new bathing suit on, and Albert smiled, grabbed me pulled aside the bottom, and started to have sex with me (everyone else had gone to the store). This only lasted a few seconds, as I told him to get off, everyone was going to be back soon.
B) During this first couple of months where I was actually with Tony#2, Albert and I had gone out one time we drove somewhere and parked and we had sex. We were also drinking a lot of beer. It lasted a long time, it seemed, as Albert stopped once to pee, then continued. I remember being bored. I also remember neither enjoying it nor not.
C) Albert was like a dumb puppy. He was playful all the time, and the one to always pick on or make jokes at.
Lost: humility

27. Dale (Unknown)
White, blonde hair, tall
His Age: 24 - 26 ish
My Age: 22
1988
Particulars: my manager at work, sex once, he was having trouble with his girlfriend
a) It was also during the Tony #2 time that Dale, my store manager went out to drink with me. "Out" meaning in the car and drinking beer. After a while of small talk, he reached over and started kissing me. I knew he had a girlfriend and was having problems. I sat on his lap facing him, and we had sex. He had a large dick, and it hurt a lot.
Lost: humility

(I had sex with Tony #2, Albert, and Dale all within a close timeframe. I got pregnant, and really did not know who the father could be. I had an abortion. The abortion was not because of the fatherhood, but because I was well on my way to being an alcoholic, and I knew I could not take care of myself, let alone a child.)

*(Nick and I met on December 4, 1989 while I was still with Tony #2)

28. Unknown
My Age: 22
Particulars: at bar with a girl, guy came up to me and asked if he could come home with me, I said sure, I don't care; had sex 2x that night
Lost:

29. Michael
His age: 18 or 19, italian, not taller than me
My age: 22
Particulars: friend of Tony #2, I had intense lust for him, also had sex with him and the next two guys all at once (it ended badly), went on for about a month or two
Lost: sensuality, lust, naivete

30. Derek
His age: 18 or 19
My age: 22
Particulars: had sex with him and Michael and Gabe (next one), 1x
Lost: naivete

31. Gabe
My age: 22
Particulars: had sex with him and Michael and Derek, he could not have sex with me and got frustrated so he was holding me down and getting mean, this is when I got up and ran to the bathroom and ended it
Lost: naivete, safety

32. Gino
My age: 22
Particulars: had sex with him and Jelly (next guy), he hollered out "fire in the hole", first time for a blowjob and sex at the same time
Lost: naivete

33. Jelly
My age: 22
Particulars: had sex with him and Gino, first time for a blowjob and sex at the same time
Lost: naivete

34. Tony Brost (a.k.a. Tony #3)
His age: 22 or so, white, dark hair, black eyes
My Age: 22
Particulars: He had a girlfriend, I was just a girl to have sex with, he would tell me to leave (in a gruff way) when he was done. We had sex 3 or 4 times
- One time in particular, he was driving his van, pulled off the side of the road, had sex with me, then told me to "get the fuck out, bitch". I thought he meant it, but he drove me back to my apartment. I was on my period, he didn't care; I thought that was gross.
- I went over to the east caost of florida to visit with my cousin from Indiana; he was down from spring break. I told Tony I was going, and it was also bike week so he said he'd meet me there. I drove from Tampa to Daytona by myself in my truck, found the hotel where my cousin and his friends were, and went up to their room with them. They weren't old enough to buy beer yet, so I walked across the road to buy the beer for everyone. We drank a while, then Tony showed up. He stayed in the rrom and beer with us for a while, then asked me to go for a bike ride with him. We went a block or two to a bar, stopped in for a few minutes, danced one dance then left. We went back to the hotel room. I changed into my swimsuit that I had bought some time before, a one-piece thong, but I was embarrassed to wear it, so I put my jeans on over it. Tony and me and a couple of the other boys went down to the pool (it was dark), still drinking beer. We sat on a couple of lounge chairs and there was a security guard type guy there who stopped and talked to us. He asked if Tony and I were together, and I very bluntly answered, "Yeah, we fucked." We didn't have sex, then went back upstairs, crashed in the room with the other boys. Got up the next morning, I drove my truck to where Tony could borrow a ramp. He put his motorcycle in the back of my truck, then I drove back while he slept.
Lost: pride

35. Angelo
My Age: 22
Particulars: He always talked about a girl back home (NY) that he loved, we had left a bar one time to go have sex, it got late and I fell down the steps and skinned my knees on our way to go get them
Lost: humility

36. Jamie
My age: 22
Particulars: the guy was an alcoholic, we would go to a bar on quarter beer night and dance a while, he would stay the night at my apartment
Lost: humility

37. (Nick and I married)

38. Friend 1
My Age: 35
Particulars: With Nick as a way to learn and experience sex with another man, oral sex both ways
Learned: we learned to stay together and we learned trust

39. Friend 2
My Age: 35
Particulars: With Nick, again a way to learn and experience sex with another man, oral sex both ways
Learned: trust, respect for each other, appreciation of each other

40.Friend 3
My Age: 35
Particulars: With Nick, a way to experience sex with another man, I had lust for this guy for about 6 months, caused a lot of Nick and my issues to come to forefront, sex on several occasions, with both Nick and Friend 3, very intense
Learned:

41. Skip

42. Nate

43. Larry